Missy's Moments

Everything in its time.  Timing is so key in so many areas of our life and especially as our society teaches us there are certain unspoken timelines and milestones to be met and that’s just the way ‘it’s supposed to be.’ This is so very human and so very normal to just wake up each day with the mindset that we somehow need to wrap our goals and focus around what we know to be normal.  But what if that normal is different and instead of waking up with my limited vision of my coming day, weeks or even what my next year might look like I woke up and just thank God for my day despite the circumstances and showed that thankfulness by living a life content and trusting in what is in front of me. The current circumstances in our world has caused me to really look inward and I have felt such a conviction about what I display outwardly. I can be so impatient and judgemental and more often than not I definitely get it wrong. It’s my instinct to complain and question. It’s n...

I have found myself very sad and frustrated over the division and constant spewing of accusations, mistrust and misinformation. 😞 I am choosing to trust in the medical field for information. I don’t have my head in the sand, I don’t need to wake up I am well aware and try to keep myself informed to the best of my ability without making this about sides. Will I always get it right- nope.  I am in the middle of opening things back up, YES I believe it needs to happen but no not like it was and we as people need to do our part and be patient. Coming together as a community to build our small businesses and hurting families back up will be key. My family may choose to maintain distance but will continue to look for opportunities to do this.  But what really breaks my heart and is breaking our already broken world is our current circumstances.  More specifically the current circumstances that has brought out such a sense of entitlement and self righteousness th...

This year has been by far one of the most difficult. The loss of now three beautiful humans from this side of heaven. My Aunt just 53 has been gone since July. Her children left with a void. The sting of her passing still fresh, time eases the pain but I am reminded again and again for her children life is forever different. Our sweet Brielle gone for 3 months tomorrow. She would have been 11 months old  today. I have reminders of her every where, literally everywhere , but those reminders keep close the love she brought to us. I know there will be a day where I will need to start to let that go but my prayer is that I will take all she gave me during her short time here and use it to benefit others. She deserves that and so much more. Yesterday Rick's mom passed after a 11 day illness. So different from Deborah and Brielle, She was ready, she longed for heaven, she got to see her family, friends and spend time with her loved ones, her 7 days in hospice was a formality while she...

Last night at Epik we honored the seniors that were there, we heard what their plans are, prayed over each one individually and thanked God for the blessing they've brought us. It was amazing to watch these young men and women and be a part of this. I left there and headed downtown because you see not all kids walk the same journey, I tried to imagine my oldest son walking a different journey, not feeling the pain he's felt at a young age, being freed from the bondage of addiction, and realized that although his journey looks very different he is NEVER out of the reach of God, he made a commitment younger in life and no matter how much he runs from God He will keep running into God, he'll forever be reminded of how he is loved, he'll forever be fought for, he is forever His no matter where life brings him. I prayed for him as I often do and when I was done praying I thought about how hard it is to have to look at a video screen to visit, to not be able to call and j...

  “Don’t worry this is just temporary” Early on in life, at the wise old age of 22 I remember a mentor saying this to me. I would call her in tears, over kids, over the opposite sex, over a job crisis, over dinner, over just about anything that happen to tip me over the edge that day and she would just simply listen and say. “Hun this is just temporary- someday you will look back on this and if you still remember it you will have a better understanding and realize that what you are feeling today is not forever.” Now certainly there are life circumstances when our feelings ease or change but yet still remain but for the most part I can say that looking back, especially over  parenting most of my emotional downs (and ups) didn’t last and we moved on to new days and new emotions. There are a lot of labels in my life that have been temporary. An a ccident, abused, addicted, promiscuous, teen mom, single mom- all labels that brought with them feelings that didn’t feel so temp...

I get stuck. Frustrated. Heartbroken. Scared. Even desperate. The things of this world trip me up and attack what's most precious to me. Most days I want to fight and move forward but more and more often I long for heaven. What does that mean? It doesn't mean I'm going to end it nor do I wish it to end. It does mean I crave Jesus, His love, His strength, His ability to shoulder the burdens that are just to much for me.  I move forward. I choose to trust. I love. I choose joy. I have faith.  You need only be still. I will fight for you. Exodus 14:14

  For a few weeks I’ve been telling myself that I am going to blog through a year. Now seriously I can’t even finish the 30 day photo challenges so time will tell how this little experiment will work. I’ve put NO expectations on this except that everyday I will post SOMETHING. I thought it only fitting since today is my birthday to share a bit about my birth. Today after I woke up I was enjoying my coffee and I was reading/studying a lesson on God’s sovereignty. God is in control. God has a plan. This may have slipped my mind a few times   lot lately. That brings me to picture #1. That is the note that my Grandma Barb wrote to my mom’s siblings when I was born. It’s pretty cool really if you think about it. This was written on the morning of Feb.2, 1972. I found this note years ago- I think in my late teens/early 20’s. The line that has always stood out to be was the last one. For all I know it could have meant “Don’t tell anyone yet.” because my mom and Grandma wanted...

  I have been transferring old blog posts. So many memories, both good and not so good. Those are just the ones that were written down. It seemed as my children grew and some of the struggles of adolescence turned into struggles that needed to remain private my ‘pen’ became quiet. I remember many times wanting to try to find words to articulate the range of emotions that occupied parenting a child that had an agenda unlike one I had read about in the parenting books. As circumstances surrounded me and helplessness enclosed me I just barely had the strength to turn to the one who has written their stories. I am talking mostly of my oldest son. The hardest part most days is I know the life he is living isn’t the story that has been written for him. In church this weekend our Pastor talked about Romans chapter one. In 3 different parts of romans chapter one it says “God gave them over”. To say that is indeed one of the saddest verses to read holds more truth than I think possible t...

The clouds tonight were fantastic. When I look at clouds I can’t help but imagine how soft and fluffy they are. I can almost picture myself bouncing off of them fearlessly. I said to Rick tonight that I imagine in heaven I will get to do that- I will have no fear like I do here on earth of hurting myself or my bladder giving out- (just keeping it real!) For me growing up not knowing Jesus- barely even knowing of Him, Heaven was really an unknown. I have a really vivid memory of when I was younger. I remember the house we lived in so I suppose I was around 9 and I knew my Grandma lived in heaven. She passed away when I was just 6 of cancer. Because I didn’t really understand death I didn’t get why she just couldn’t come back. Someone must of told me heaven was in the sky because when I yelled and I mean I. Yelled . up to heaven I begged Grandma to come back. I was home alone in my living room and  I distinctly remember telling her that if she really loved me she’d come bac...

  Every year we are asked to share a devotion with our co-workers. It is such a blessing to listen to others but I am always so nervous when it is my turn. This year just as in years past I just simply needed to yield and get out of the way. I am also sharing my testimony at Teen MOPS this coming Tuesday and would ask that you keep me in your prayers so the girls there here my heart. Tell me your story, show me your wounds. And I’ll show you what love sees when love looks at you. Hand me the pieces, broken and bruised. And I’ll show you what love sees when love looks at you. This song speaks to me; it speaks truth to my heart. A truth that so often can be crowded out by lies by the enemy, by the to do list, by weariness brought on by so many things of this world. At one point in my life this truth was not present and now at a much different season of life after grace has allowed me to see this truth in myself I sadly enough often miss it in others. Brokenness in our lives ...

My last post was a song that really touched me. Below are some of the reasons why. Tell Me your story, show Me your wounds And I'll show you what Love sees when Love looks at you Hand Me the pieces, broken and bruised And I'll show you what Love sees when Love sees you Our eyes see a woman in flannel pj pants, uncombed hair and smelling like smoke dropping her child off at preschool and our human eyes think she's a bad mom who'd been out late drinking/smoking.  Love sees a single mom who was working late trying to make a living while raising her son who happens to be one of the most polite kiddos in the class. Her self worth brought her to a place where she felt she didn't deserve any better, where her choices made her sin a bit more visible. Love sees a woman who needs to know what it is to be loved by her Heavenly Father simply because of her priceless worth and is blinded by shame and guilt, and an earthly Father who never bothered to show up . Our eyes see a w...

Blessed are you as you weep on your knees With perfume and tears washing over My feet And blessed are you, beggar, hopeless and blind Calling for mercy when I'm passing by Blessed are you, shaking your head At two tiny fish and some bread And blessed are you as you tremble and wait For the first stone thrown at your sinful disgrace Tell Me your story, show Me your wounds And I'll show you what Love sees when Love looks at you Hand Me the pieces, broken and bruised And I'll show you what Love sees when Love sees you Blessed are you, walking on waves To find yourself sinking when you look away Blessed are you, leper, standing alone The fear on their faces is all that you've known Blessed are you, lonely widow who gave Your last shiny coin to Yahweh Blessed are you with your silver and lies Kissing the One who's saving your life Tell Me your story, show Me your wounds And I'll show you what Love sees when Love looks at you Hand Me the pieces, broken and bruised And...

I was woken up at 4:14am by a anxiety ridden 10 year old over hockey try outs. I walked him to his bed, chatted a bit and we prayed. " Lord you tell us not to be anxious about anything and pray about everything" That wasn't me- that was Him and it's provided in a book that I am more than Thankful fo. This book provides peace, advice,hope,comfort,excitement,validation,it stretches me and challenges me, I desire to love and serve others more, and the best part it's got the more amazing ending of all. This book has saved my life and given me life.

Last Friday was really sad- seriously couldn't find five minutes to sum up my week.... not that it matters to you but it does to me and the blog is really about me right? (kind of kidding) So this morning after a very short nights sleep I woke to get ready for the day. After daily maintenance on me and the house, the daily lunch making chore I went through a lock down drill with my 11 year old son, slipped a cell phone into his pocket and said a prayer before I put him on the bus. Homeschooling really becomes more and more appealing to me everyday. Seriously what an "IN" satan gets with me when it comes to my children. Completely grateful that he's about a day late and a dollar short because as I got in the car to head to my Friday morning study I heard this song: Safe and Sound (Mercy Me) No more boarding up my windows So that I can lay low Nobody's home No more trying to run away from Tired of being afraid of What I can't control The hardest part I...

Friday Sept 14th, 6:25am I pulled out of my garage this morning and glanced over to this... as I drove toward it this song played from my radio..... Powerful so powerful Your glory fills the skies Your mighty works displayed for all to see The beauty of your majesty Awakes my heart to see How marvelous how wonderful you are. Amazing just how marvelous He shows himself to be over and over again despite me. I don't often enough just stop to look at the sky. Even this morning as I glanced up and saw this beautiful sunrise I was pushing the gas pedal and trying to "hurry" as to not be late for our prayer time before our study started. UM hello Missy..... this is God- slow down- I'm here- you don't need to hurry I am not going anywhere . You know the funny thing is because of tables not in place and locating books and the room we were using being vacuumed by the time I sat down with my co-leader to pray a gal came in to the study early and eager- well you c...

We’ve talked a lot in services recently about reaching out into our community, developing relationships with those around us. One of our speakers spoke of a neighbor that came into a relationship with Christ after years of a friendship. Friendship is powerful. When I was growing up we moved around a lot. My mom was a single mom and she often worked evenings. I don’t ever recall the word “playdate” because I think back then it was just safe to wander the neighborhood until you found someone to play with. I’m certain that is what I did. I was a bit of a social butterfly growing up. (I’m sure that’s hard to believe ) As much of a social butterfly as I was friendships were hard for me. I always seemed to struggle with feeling like I didn’t have much to offer. I would get jealous (I don’t think I knew it at the time) of friends who had mom and dad at home. I remember being curious of Dad’s and why some where there and some where not. Friends with siblings I deemed to be about the ...

I was chatting with a friend recently and I told her I missed her blog posts. She said out loud what I struggle with so much in writing and that is "I am not always sure about what to write because I need to protect those around me" Well I’m not sure I worry to much about others as much as I worry about protecting me. It’s hard for me to put “it” out there and yet if I blog I want it to be meaningful. To have purpose. I want to be real and sometimes real life is a bit messy. My mess is really not that much different than other messes. (Romans 3:23) There is a lot of things on my heart that really burden me. There is a lot of joy that God shows me that I want to jump up and down about and share. Problem is I don't make it a priority. Why wouldn't I want to share what matters most to me and that is the gentle teachings of a Savior that cares for me enough to teach me? One reason why.... what will people think? Especially those that already think I'm a bit "...

I love my job. I have often said that I think those sweet kiddos teach me much more than I could ever teach them. I find myself sometimes thinking to myself "Do you hear what you are saying?" Today was yet another one of those days. Their was a child having a little to much fun with his buddy that he/she sits next too. It does happen. Shocking I know. Even more shocking is that I sometimes have to rearrange the seating to "help" them be better listeners. Well today after helping a friend I got "the look". Most the kids have turned four or are very close and well they getting less shy about letting Mrs. Eagen know when they are not so happy. I felt it was a good time to talk about what we learned from Jonah. Not sure why as we learned about Jonah last fall but I felt lead so I went with it. Amazing the recall they had- what fun it was to re-learn such a good lesson. God told Jonah to go to Nineveh. Jonah didn't want to. Jonah decided to h...

40 Days til… I turn 40. Not thinking about this for any particular reason. I’m not freaking out about it. I’m not overly excited about it. I’m not convinced I’m one step closer to having a foot in the grave. I ‘m not old, I don’t feel “middle aged” As with a lot of other things in my life I just feel it is what it is . I thought it would be fun to try to blog about some of the past 40 years. I feel as if 40 should at least entitle me to enter the “maybe she knows something” category. I sat here this morning drinking my coffee…. well honestly grabbing it for dear life as I do most mornings. I was browsing Facebook, thinking about my to do list and I glanced up to see that the sky out my windows turned this amazing shade of pink. I shut my laptop and just sat. Perfectly still. Knowing enough to know that the sky only stays that shade of pink for a few minutes while the sun is just in the right spot of the skyline. As I looked out my window I could hear my furnace running, my husb...

I've been thinking- actually I've been thinking A LOT about my blog- I love coming back here and reading about all the memories that I kept track of. Life with 4 kids in the house always provided good story telling material. My days either brought me tons of laughter or brought me to tears. I was reading this post and the nostalgia was there but more-so an undeniable feeling of gratitude. Life looks different than I ever imagined it would look. So I remembered that I started a list of 1000 gifts and I think I'll try something different and try to continue it. So that brings me to #10. I am grateful for life lessons. A couple of weeks ago a couple at our church said good-bye to their 12 year old son here on earth. His funeral, the celebration of life that was held for this boy was heart breaking and breath taking all at the same time. I have found myself more than a few times asking myself when Eric and Sam are being ridiculous "does this really matter in the big...