Unqualified

I was chatting with a friend recently and I told her I missed her blog posts. She said out loud what I struggle with so much in writing and that is "I am not always sure about what to write because I need to protect those around me" Well I’m not sure I worry to much about others as much as I worry about protecting me. It’s hard for me to put “it” out there and yet if I blog I want it to be meaningful. To have purpose. I want to be real and sometimes real life is a bit messy. My mess is really not that much different than other messes. (Romans 3:23) There is a lot of things on my heart that really burden me. There is a lot of joy that God shows me that I want to jump up and down about and share. Problem is I don't make it a priority. Why wouldn't I want to share what matters most to me and that is the gentle teachings of a Savior that cares for me enough to teach me? One reason why.... what will people think? Especially those that already think I'm a bit "over the edge" with "the Jesus thing". Isn't that silly? I'm almost embarrassed to say that but sadly enough there is still truth to it at times. For the summer I am teaching our large group time in elementary every Sunday for one of the services. I'm excited to be digging into God's word every week yet I can't help but wonder if I am really qualified to be teaching these kids that are in such formative years. Truth be told I'm not qualified. Which is why the very first lesson that I am sharing was of course completely what I needed to dig into. "God's Spirit is the Source of Our Strength" What a relief to read that Peter- remember Peter. Mr. I don't know Jesus x 3 at the most inconvenient time. Peter failed Jesus, failed him in a way that I'm sure I have failed him and I wish I could just say it was 3 times, Peter stood up in Acts 2 and said boldly- Let me explain this to you- God said he'd pour our His spirit for you, ANYONE (missy) who calls upon it can be saved. ... He then goes on later and says - you will receive the gift of the holy spirit and the promise is for YOU. We saw what Peter was capable of on his own power but here God’s spirit is clearly directing him. In John 14:11 before Jesus goes back up into heaven he tells his disciples "anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these".... excuse me (choke)- I'm quite certain I will not be directing anyone to walk on water anytime soon. but before I blow that off I should look further to see that Jesus also said "I will ask the Father and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever- the spirit of truth" and in Romans 8:11 we're told that the same spirit that raised Christ from the dead dwells in us. I'd say that's some power. It is not of me. It is of Him. It is simply my job to say out of the way and ask to be His hands and feet. To see with His eyes. Anyway back to the beginning- why don't I blog more? I am unsure of myself. I am unsure how sometimes to give words to what I am struggling with. I want to put it out there because I know if I am struggling someone else is also. I know that writing about things comes to mind often for a reason and I need to stop ignoring it. So I won't rely on me to give it words I will simply try to trust that because of God's spirit living in me I can learn to trust my voice.

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