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I have been transferring old blog posts. So many memories, both good and not so good. Those are just the ones that were written down. It seemed as my children grew and some of the struggles of adolescence turned into struggles that needed to remain private my ‘pen’ became quiet. I remember many times wanting to try to find words to articulate the range of emotions that occupied parenting a child that had an agenda unlike one I had read about in the parenting books. As circumstances surrounded me and helplessness enclosed me I just barely had the strength to turn to the one who has written their stories. I am talking mostly of my oldest son.

The hardest part most days is I know the life he is living isn’t the story that has been written for him.

In church this weekend our Pastor talked about Romans chapter one. In 3 different parts of romans chapter one it says “God gave them over”. To say that is indeed one of the saddest verses to read holds more truth than I think possible to understand. Months ago in our bible study there was a verse similar to this. When the question was asked “How could God just hand him over?” it became one of those moments where the answer that came out of my mouth was clearly not of my doing and has helped me to find peace and not loose hope at the same time really sitting me smack dap in front of a reality that I just don’t want to accept.

I answered by talking about my relationship with my oldest son. After many many attempts at convincing him of our love for him, giving him direction, showing mercy,  there came a point where we had to “give him over” to allow him to go and live his life.

When our Pastor gave the analogy of a wayward child this weekend it was like salt on a wound, because you see you never just ‘give them over’ you learn to let go a day at a time and pray that you will see your child reach up for the hand of our greatest rescuer. I looked down as our pastor talked and cried. I believe that in terms of our broken world our Heavenly Father is heartbroken EVERY time ‘He gives one over’ and I know that just as the story of the prodigal son demonstrates He runs with glee with open arms over the return of each and every one of His children.

“Gave him over"’

-only after exhausting every possible form of help

-after never-ending prayers both from our hearts and the hearts of others

- while always asking myself if stepping in would make a long term difference, am I just fixing bad circumstances, am I teaching my child or just relieving my own pain

-despite crying out to God, begging and pleading for Him to step in, wondering why my child Lord

-never giving up hope, praying at the each bottom that the road traveled goes a different direction

-telling him I love you when there are things to be said but mostly when there is nothing else to be said

-despite a pool of tears that just come

-despite the fear that He might not ever come back

 

“Gave Him over” while…

*knowing-   that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

*believing- The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

*praying- the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.

*trusting-  I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

 

Lord He is yours, always has been, always will be. Help me to let go today and be still.